Participant 4
Story
“I was an active late 30's man with a wife and two children, then the pandemic and Covid-19 came to be. My family and I managed to go about ten months into the pandemic before my wife and I contracted Covid-19 in November of 2020, that is when everything changed for me and my family. As we went through the initial infection, my wife got better within a few days and I never really became that ill at the start, just a little body aches and some headaches. Then as time went on, the fatigue, brain fog, headaches, body aches, and mental issues became more and more prevalent in my life. After countless doctor visits, tests, scans, and the like with nothing showing up as being wrong and the doctor's having no answers, we determined it was long covid. This has been difficult to explain to family, friends, and coworkers since I don't look any different, I still talk and converse fine and get my work done as needed. But my life is completely different than it was. One year ago, I used to go outside and play catch with my son, go for bike rides or walks as a family, attend all of the family events, and go to work in an office. Now because of this I no longer can do most of those things, or at most I have to pick and choose what I do because of the affects after I do something active in any way. This has also become a burden and demanding thing for my family as they want to help and there is not anything to do to help, we all feel helpless at this point. With this I hope to make people feel better that they are not alone, and we all have to keep on going and keep our heads up and help find a solution to this problem.” - COVID Long Hauler
Key
Positions of my Body: On my body map there are two different bodies, this was done to show the difference in how I felt before Covid-19 and how I feel during and after Covid-19. The first is done with the body up right and with good posture, in light and bright colors, the white and yellow outline to represent how I felt prior, and active and happy man that tried to bring myself to be a positive person. The other body is in the fetal position, outlined in black and dark colors to represent the feeling of weakness, vulnerability, and frailty of my current life. Currently the dark colors are more pronounced and bolder because that is how my body is after fighting Covid-19 and Long Covid for over 12 months.
Colors on the Map: There are multiple colors throughout the map to describe multiple feelings and emotions. The lighter and brighter colors are for prior to my illness and represents the life I had. While the darker colors represent the darkness, pain and fear I have felt over the last 12 months, I have tried to use these to contrast the different parts of my life that have been changed because of this.
Marks on/ under the skin: The clouds and multiple marks in the standing posture body in the head describe how my mental state was prior to covid-19, a state that includes depression and anxiety and the colors get dimmer because that was getting better prior to catching covid-19. While the red marks throughout the bodies are for the pain and anguish, I have dealt with while fighting through the unknowns of long covid, they are many and all over my body, from my joints to my brain function and even my heart. The dark of my mind and how it has been a battle every day to keep myself going to keep fighting and trying to get through everything that has happened. Then the last is the red coming from my mouth representing the wanting to scream and yell about this but knowing it doesn't help.
Body Scan/ Personal Strength: During my body scans I felt at peace for brief moments when all of the pain and anxiety of my condition was removed from my mind. This only lasted for mere moments and is difficult to recreate, I will keep trying to get to that place in the days and months to come. The scans gave me a chance to look inside my own body and feel what I haven't felt in a long time, a peace but then my mind starts thinking of all of the other issues and it was gone. The personal strength is shown through the symbol and slogan I have created, which is a combination of my family's initials, and the slogan is how we have tried to live over the past year which is "Live for Today". The strength is derived from my wife and the rock she has been keeping everything together and how that helps to push me through some of my darker days. The center of both bodies is a heart with the word hope, it is being directed to by the other positive forces in my life that continue to support and help me through this. This is ringed by words of depression, anger, and pain showing there is a constant battle within me to maintain the hope in my heart to fight off the ailments.
Support Structure: My support structure is a lot of my personal strength, my family and friends that have been there for me. I have shown this through a teeter totter with the ends supported on one side by my symbol, which is my wife and kids, and the other side is a combination of family and relatives, close friends and my employer which has been there to help and keep me with a peace of mind that I will still have employment. I know that is odd but it has been one less stressful thing for us at this time to have that stability and understanding from that ground. With this illustration it shows that if one of these supports falters then I will falter, so it is a balancing act all of the time, but with the structure I have I feel confident that it will stay stable.
Future: It is difficult to graphically show what will be in the future, I want my future to almost be my past, which is shown through the two different bodies on the map. In the future I hope this body maps help people find some solace in the fact that there are many of us going through the same issues and we are fighting to find a solution. My future will still be full of the support and love of my family, friends, and coworkers. I will still always live for today and try to get my previous self to be in the front and have the fetal self-disappear.